Just Once
by FollowMeDown
Summary: Garrus, struggling to cope with the loss of a dear friend, finds some unwanted attention in his Commanders chambers.


A ficlet, about events that didn't, and probably never will occur. Very, very, VERY bad, I realize. Garrus is OOC, Commander Shepard has major mood swings, and I just didn't get the tone of this down... Definitely not one of my 'better' works. (Though all of my other ME fics are...maybe a year or so old? I was awful at writing back then, and I still am now) Your criticism is very appreciated, just and eensey bit more than your praise. Please, to the best of your ability, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect in any way shape, or form. I am super psyched for ME2, however.

Shepard's muscular arms were drawn tightly around the Turian agents abdomen, the same, emotionless expression on her face as always. Garrus didn't move an inch. He stared straight over the top of her head, looking at the blank gray walls, his arms hung limply by his side, and his jaw was clamped shut. His eye-piece had been thrown aside long ago.

The day had begun well enough, the commander deeming a little bit of a break would be alright. Garrus had quickly headed to meet with an old friend, while Tali and Shepard had stayed back at Flux to wait for him. His friend had been waiting for him exactly where they had arranged. However, during their talk, he had seemed unusually solemn. The other Turian was at times unresponsive, staring out into the open area beyond his shoulder. Both had been colleagues in C-Sec together, compiling their work together on various occasions, to the point that they had formed an unofficial partnership. Tuuji had saved him many times in a fire-fight. Garrus was unable to do the same, even once.

The lanky Turian, burgundy splotched on his face, had hurriedly taken Garrus away after he had pointed out the time. Garrus hadn't a single clue what was going on. Of course, his friend was acting strangely. But Tuuji had always been an unpredictable one. He had laid claim to more than a few lies, including having been involved with five Asari's--all at once. Deep down, underneath it all, there was a Turian in him who wanted more than the constant lies of feeble romances. Tuuji had been a hopeless romantic alright, more so than Shepard herself. It was an odd trait for a Turian to have, and Garrus himself found that he was on occasion simply unable to play along with the other male. Some of the things he said...were just too sappy. But perhaps that was what happened, Garrus figured, when you don't grow up in a proper Turian household.

In the hallway leading to Flux, the burgundy toating Turian had grown more and more anxious. It wasn't until later that Garrus would know what would happen to him. At that time, he would be powerless to help, even once.

Tuuji wrung his hands in a nervous gesture, perhaps picked up from a human apprehended for something or another. His green eyes shot from side to side, and it was at this time that Garrus finally realized that there was something far more complicated behind this meeting. Extending a taloned hand, resting it for a brief moment on his comrade's shoulder, the other Turian quickly jerked away in shock.

"Tuuji? What's going on?"

"...I wish I could tell you, Garrus. I really wish I could. I can't, though."

The taller Turian shrunk away slightly as Garrus drew himself up to his full height, still arriving three and a half inches below his friends forehead. The tension in the air spread, Garrus' jaw locking sharply into place, his mandibles flaring slightly, as he stared into the dim eyes before him. Another startling discovery. Besides his odd temperment, Tuuji had the tell-tale signs of a sick Turian. The weight he had lost, which Garrus had commented lighlty on earlier, he now realized was not because the Turian had been taking good care of himself, but rather the opposite. The blue-scored man had just begun to unhinge his jaw, when a loud clang resulted from behind the door. Both bird-like heads swivelled sharply towards the source, before the taller of the two looked back to the other. Tuuji was frantic, his dull eyes wide with fear.

"I don't have much time. I only called you here so that I could say goodbye."

Goodbye?! The word struck Garrus as if someone had rammed their fist down his throat. His eyes widened, and he attempted to speak again, before he was cut-off once more.

"You've been with me for a long time, Garrus, and I didn't want to leave this place without saying goodbye. You're important to me, you know. Father never did much for me, and--"

"Where are you going? You can't just leave," He interrupted sharply, a scowl on his face, "You still work for C-Sec. I doubt they'll just let you leave."

Tuuji only smiled, slowing down his formerly frantic tone. The Turian seemed to be calming down considerably. His breathing slowed to a much more normal pace, and his eyes relaxed, focusing on a single target.

"...You'll understand shortly, Garrus."

Once more, Garrus opened his mouth to speak to him, and, once more, he was interrupted. This time, by the very omen of his friends death.

The doors slid open, revealing a bulky figure, darkly cloaked. Tuuji's head whipped around, the fear back in his eye. Garrus had been inquisitive at the time, unaware of the events soon to unravel. Swiftly, his curiousity switched to hostility. A figure as such, craddling a pistol recently brought out from under the folds of its clothing, was not friendly, he knew that much.

Tuuji stepped forward, meeting the mysterious figure a fair ways away from himself. A long silence played out in the air, before the pistol was raised level with the Turians head. Garrus' mind screamed at him to move, and yet his body would not obey the command. He was simply, speechless.

"You've run out of luck, Veilus. Said your goodbyes?"

Oh God...

"I have, sir. Thank you for asking, though."

Oh God, no!

"Good. I didn't want to kill a man who didn't get to say goodbye properly."

A single thought ran through his mind over, and over again;

"That's very kind of you, you brute. Do you mind if we sped this up a bit? I...don't want there to be any complications. It'd be a terrible inconveinence for you and your boss if I lived."

'I have to save him...Even just once!'

"Your right, Veilus. But who's gonna stop me? You're friend there? Look at him. He's..."

"Shut up and pull the trigger."

A single, throaty chuckle.

A single, last inhalation.

A single, futile, footstep.

A single, simple, 'Bang'.

A single, crumpled body.

A single Turian.

Back on the Normandy that night, he had remained silent. Williams and Wrex had, thankfully, kept their jabs to themselves that evening, even though he had overheard Wrex say to Shepard that, 'Even he had the decency to let a comrade mourn'. Garrus remained completely silent all evening until Shepard called him into her quarters. The door had slid shut behind him, and he stared pointedly over the top of her head to the dull, gray wall beyond for a long moment, before greeting her quietly.

"...You wanted to see me, Commander?"

Shepard did not answer. She continued to stare up at him, the usual expression on her face. Never before had he noticed it, but that look was excrutiatingly infuriating. How could she remain so non-chalant while he, whom he had thought was her friend, was clearly in so much pain? Many would claim that Torfan had hardened her, made her as tough as nails, but he knew of the small acts of kindness she did for ordinary citizens. She had helped a man reclaim the body of his wife, and seemed to value life highly in any situation, trying to avoid killing organics. No one else had an answer for this, except he.

Her arms wrapped around him tightly, and he barely felt it. He stayed, jaw clenched, eyes unfocused, arms dangling down by his side. It finally registered to him that this was a 'hug', a human gesture of affection, and he felt a sharp twang of remorse. Tuuji had spoke often of this.

A sudden wave of anger washed over him. How dare she taunt him with such things, things that would remind him of the dear friend he had just lost! He was a soldier. He shouldn't have been sad about this, externally. But didn't she realize that not everyone was as strong as her? She was a Spectre--the first human Spectre for God's sake, and she thought others could take this kind of mental tormentation? How could she be so--

An odd change in her breathing patterns drew him immediately from his thoughts, as he tried to comprehend what exactly she was doing now. For a moment, he became angry again, hand curling up until they created fists. Soon, a sniffle alerted him to something new. This wasn't some mockery of an emotion Tuuji had tried so hard to claim as his own. His commander...was crying. Both of his hands unfurled, flying to her shoulders and pulling her gently away from him. His eyes searching her face, staring at the liquid streaming from both darkened eyes. Crying...she was...sad? But why? It wasn't as if she had lost someone. He was the one who should have been crying! That raised questions...he wasn't even sure that he could cry. Tuuji had assured him various times that he could but, what was the expression humans used? Dead men tell no tales, was it? It was crude, in any situation. Garris now took over her job, playing the emotionless superior for a moment as he watched her cry.

"Shepard,"

The woman continued to sob, growing more hysterical by the minute. Garrus waited to the extent on his patience, taking the time to wallow in self-pity and misdirected rage, shoving aside all other emotions, for he had been assured many times that he had more of them than he could ever know, at the moment. It was five minutes later that he was forced to take control.

"Shepard, get a hold of yourself!" Garrus barked, watching as the woman flinched at his tone. Was this really his commander? Was she nothing but a child underneath her chilly exterior?

The woman quieted her sobs, sniffling and wiping her nose, the tears now silent. Garrus stared continued to stare at her, his gaze not softening a bit. The ruthless hero of Torfan...who would have thought she would have been so prone to breakdown over something that wasn't even her problem? She had done much for him, but the bitter dis-like that was growing for her could not be quelled easily.

Had she forgotten what had happened to him? He had lost the man who had been who had his best friend for years. He was more than a friend to him. He was his brother. Just as he had said, with that last, smoke fringed breath.

"You wanted to see me, Commander."

This time, he spoke to remind her, not to question why. His tone had shrunken again, and his eyes once more losing their focus on her. His arms fell back down to his sides, and he awaited the barrage of unwanted sympathy that surely awaited him from the voice that would crack when it spoke.

"Garrus. I'm sorry...I'm sorry for that. It was inappropriate."

...That was what she was apologizing for? She wouldn't offer any sympathy, no matter how much he didn't want it? It would at least have been the appropriate thing to do. 'I'm sorry for your loss,' 'Garrus, I'm so sorry,' 'You couldn't have done anything more, Garrus,' 'There was nothing you could have done,'. Where was her usual barrage of, 'I'm sorry's'? She offered them to everyone except for him, it seemed.

His mind blurred by the unbearable loss, the awful sadness that overwhelmed him, and the fury towards his commander, he had nothing more to say to her. He turned around to exit, only stopping for a fraction of a second at the hand that pressed against his shoulder, before sharply tugging away. A hand on the door, he glanced over his shoulder, staring at her a moment, and finding himself listening once more to the words that were pouring from her mouth now, to give himself something else to concentrate.

"What you had to go through today...I'm sorry for that as well. No one should have to go through that sort of pain. I know how you're--"

"You know how I'm feeling? Commander, this may be out of line, but you don't have a clue about, 'how I'm feeling'! My best friend just got killed out there, and you--"

"Don't tell my I don't know what it feels like, Garrus! My parents died when I was sixteen, along with everything I ever loved. Siblings, friends, everything! And then--"

"Oh, Torfan, right? Of course. You enjoyed that, didn't you? It got you all the fame and glory, and you can ease your way through the military now!"

The commander's jaw dropped, eyes widening, before narrowing into a glare.

"You've crossed the line, Vakarian! I watched more than half of my unit die in that battle, and I was the cause of that. Those who remain don't think of me as a hero, not in the least!" Shepard seemed to be struggling back more words, her voice straining to keep below the audible level for those outside of her quarters. He returned her glare with a matching one, daring to defy his commander, not giving a damn about the repercussions this would have later.

The silence between them carried on for the longest time, before Sheapard finally looked away, pacing back and forth twice, before stopping in front of him again. He stayed resilient in his efforts to intimidate her.

"Look, Garrus. After someone important to me dies, I just want someone to talk to me," 'Why not Kaidan?' Garrus thought rather smugly to himself, waiting for her to continue, "We're different, I know, but I thought maybe you would want the same thing. I was wrong, and I apologize."

Garrus lessened his glare severely, taking back to being the polite agent. A small nod was all he gave to her in acknowledgment of what she had tried to do for him. That...was what this was about. She had been trying to help him, and he had just blown up at her. Was it possible that he was trying to re-direct his anger, of everything stored up inside of him, onto someone else? Doctor Chakwas, who had insisted on evaluating him once he returned--Garrus had been too saddened to refuse--had warned him of something like this, after all...

"...You can go now. That is all."

Shepards hands clasped behind her back in her usual fashion, and Garrus began to open the door, halting however, once he found something standing out in the back of his mind, something that was going to tear him apart if he didn't say it.

"...Shepard? That talk? Let's save it for later."

As he turned his head, satisfied with Shepards nod, a trace of a smile flashed across his features.

The brutal facts gnawed at him as he stepped out of the quarters, back with the others and realized the awful truth all over again.

It was too late to save Tuuji...

...Even just once. 


End file.
